UNDERSTANDING SUICIDE
Warning signs of suicide in teens and young adults:
Not all suicide attempts are preceded with a warning. However, many occur with at least some outward signal to friends or family members. Being able to Identify and respond to warning signs can help prevent suicide among teens and young adults.Signs primarily seen in young teenagers and young adults may include some behaviours e.g, rebellion, anger at parents, which are common in most teenagers. Remember it is very easy to misinterpret signs of suicide attempts, so let me make some things clear. Most parents have clear evidence of consistent patterns of behaviour in their children, so use this as a baseline.
First of all look for any unexplained changes in their behaviour:
- Decline in quality of schoolwork( sudden poor grades from previously well performing students)
- Lack of involvement in school or work.
- Skipping school / truancy.
- Drug and alcohol abuse
- Prolonged spells of internet use on websites such as You tube, Facebook, Beebo, My space, Second life, etc. many of these show suicidal techniques sometimes disguised as "Games"
- Check discreetly what your children look at by moving all computers into the family living area.
- Impulsive or aggressive tendencies.
- Consistent negative attitudes towards the parents.
- Violent or persistent behaviour.
- Disciplinary problems at school or home.
- Parents who argue consistently and produce family conflict
- Attempts to leave home
- Incarceration
- Neglect of personal appearance, hygiene
- Frequent physical complaints.( eg stomach ache, headaches fatigue, which are related to emotional distress.
- Breakdown in communication patterns between you and your children, eg do you know their innermost thoughts, can you relate to them, have you the ability to listen to their anxieties ?
- Obsession with death and poems, songs downloaded from the internet with explicit references to death, also drawings of death or suicide acts like "hangman". Try listening to their songs shared between them and their mates. Do this sensitively as signs often are transmitted through downloaded files from USA., where teenagers attempt and often complete suicide.
- Hopelessness , as evidenced by statements such as: " Nothing matters" " I won't be a problem for you anymore" " What's the point of living" "I wish I hadn't been born" " I wish I were dead".
Psychologists suggest the following techniques and strategies for parents:
- First of all take your children into your confidence and make time to listen to them. Show unconditional love and acceptance.
- Establish ground rules and reward positive appropriate behaviours. Any inappropriate behaviours should be openly discussed in a normal tone of voice with the children, avoid shouting and showing aggression. Be unconditional in your actions towards them and show them love, as most children and young people who are parasuicidal always speak of parents who do not love them nor show love towards them.
- Try to keep lines of communications open at all times and encourage them to talk to you about their mates and close friends, their worries anxieties, likes, dislikes and any signs of bullying by others, even bullying on the internet and by mobile phones.If you see signs of this inform the mobile phone company immediately and restrict the use of the internet to an hour per night, where you as parents can monitor their online activity discreetly. School work could be an exception, but many switch to entertainment channels behind the parents back and go into suicide games and other aversive websites. Close monitoring can prevent this becoming a children's ritual and so break the thinking cycle.
- Keep a check on who their friends are and what social activities they get involved in and where they are spending their leisure time especially if they are under 18 yrs old. Communication is the keyword here.
- Do your children show any signs of distress? Look for signs of crying skin rashes on the arms or back due to stress reactions, do they show signs of nervousness for no apparent reason, are their eyes glazed or runny nose and eyes when they have no common cold symptoms.? These are minor signs of drug and solvent abuse and children /youth are conned by older peers into thinking this makes them feel and act "cool".
- Reflect on their student / teacher relationship, if it seems stressful try to sensitively explore the issue and reassure the child that they are safe and you will support them and take action to redress the problem.
- Teach them simple problem solving skills especially in terms of sexual jealously and losing a boy/girlfriend. These are constantly in young peoples' minds as they explore their sexuality and gender differences.
- Try to teach them self assertion skills, these may be available soon or later on in the summer months and I can help you with these. Try the UK based Childline website( see website link on this site) for advice on these and many other websites UK based, for advice on assertive skills in young people and self protection.
- If children or older adults are depressed, get them to write down a list of all their negative thoughts, starting with the most troublesome one, as many as they can write. Then take each one in turn and challenge it. For example a child writes " Nobody loves me". In an empathetic manner, ask them to show you the hard evidence that no one loves them( normally they cannot !) Then say " Jenny loves you, so there's a start, now, your dad and me also love you and so does …. " Then discuss the evidence of this love you show them. This works really well and the children then realize the futility of their thinking. Simply work along down the list and you will see a difference in their thinking patterns.This is the basis of cognitive behaviour therapy.
- Get together with your friends and neighbours and form a self help group. I can help you facilitate this if you wish. Meet regularly and discuss emotions feelings threats fears in a supportive environment. Watch this suicide prevention site for details of summer courses in support and self help groups .