Self esteem means how good you feel about yourself and the value you put on yourself as a person. Most people have either high or low self esteem, and in my work I find that most people say I am somewhere between the two.
Many self confident people say they feel they are no good, or not good enough, or that they don't matter. Being good at something and being a success may still not make you feel good about yourself. Building up confidence is only part of the story. Self esteem is about the values you hold and whether you can live up to them. It's is about the things in your life, in your personality, in your thinking and in your actions - that attracts people to you. If you are seen as a nice person you will have lots of friends who are also nice people as each one of your mates reflects the other.
Self esteem means also that the higher our self esteem the more likely we are to achieve in school / college University and in a career. You can achieve your potential where as if you have low self esteem you will not feel motivated enough to succeed and will be more inhibited, staying in the background. Research has shown us that people with low self esteem don't try a hard as young people with high self esteem. A strong positive self esteem in adults is associated with success, being more assertive and self confident. In addition they have better physical and mental health and are more competent. It also means that you become more tolerant of differing opinions in your mates and other friends and will be more readily accepted into other friendship groups.
Here are some things (strategies) for building Self Esteem:
1. Attack the prejudice " All students are druggies and heavy drinkers " this is a common misrepresentation of young people held by many in society. In fact they are not. It's a prejudgement held by many who simply do not understand students lives and pressures.Like all prejudice it shows us the negative attitudes of the person who made the remark. They are based on group stereotypes not fact. Low self esteem is a prejudice about yourself. It is seeing yourself as unworthy or unacceptable.The self is flawed or biased, but the person who sees herself like this cannot see herself in any other way. Its constricted thinking. You need to explore alternatives, think about yourself from a different angle. Talk to your friends in confidence and ask them to honestly describe what they see in you. Do this as group together for fun and you will be amazed at the effect it has on improving your self worth.
2. Suppress the critics We all have a critic inside us telling us really how we should behave. Lets say you are in an argument with your friends. Voices are raised and you become angry at them for no apparent reason.You act out of character, but inside your head an "inner " voice says "this is no way to become good friends as friends are important to you for survival" You need them and they need you.Explain to them you had a bad day and apologize. Maybe you had good reason to be tired irritable and angry. It's ok to do that.
3. Be the best person you can be No matter how your mates treat you or others make your life difficult, you are human and have limitations, we all have. It's ok just to be the person you are and do the things that you enjoy doing within reason. Its difficult to be the best person you can be if your chilling out with your mates and drinking heavily in public or in private. Alcohol is a depressive drug and if you abuse it, then you cannot become the best person you normally are. Let all around you see some kindness in you behaviour and attitudes. Set yourself high goals like getting good qualification and developing a good well paid career. Invest in learning and take up new courses academic and vocational. If you do this you can surprise yourself as you will earn lots f money and enjoy learning new skills. Your income will rise every year!! Think - life is for living, suicide and self harm is not the answer, as someone said to me recently.Live and get focussed. Have you thought of outdoor sports? Have you considered careers with fun adventure and you get paid for doing it! Avoid being a perfectionist, just be the person you are, that's all that matters.
4. Friendships Self esteem is about choosing appropriate mates who will not lead you into trouble with the law or courts by their living standards and behaviour. Its cool to select people who are goal oriented career minded and can have fun also. Other people play an important part in how you think about yourself. Choose positive role models, people who are respected and who are talented in different ways. If low self esteem is a problem for you talk to me about it. Look at who your current friends are. What positive rewards -if any- do you get from them? Who helps you feel good about yourself? Who undermines your self confidence? Think of how much time you spend with these people and learn form what you find.If friends cause you hassle and lead you to mixing with difficult people, then think twice about choosing them as friends. Explore with some sensible friends who makes you happy and why. Always check out friends with other mates ask questions and try to ge reliable information about them so as you can have friends that are dependable and improve your happiness.