Many young and sometimes older people who self harm or attempt suicide
have low self esteem and are lacking in self confidence. What I want to teach you here is how to develop strong self confidence to help you cope with bullies and situations which may threaten you and make you feel bad about yourself. First of all remember that it's how you think about yourself that's important.Many people who are introverts show low self confidence also remember that Low self confidence can make your life a misery : look at this list:
FEELINGS:
Anxiety and worry
Apprehension
Being angry with myself
Feeling demoralized
Low self worth
Being frustrated and angry with myself
BEHAVIOUR
I am passive, don't want conflict
Keep a low profile
Never speak my mind in case I offend
Always need reassurance
Being hesitant about many things
Not being assertive
PHYSICAL SIGNS OF LOW SELF CONFIDENCE
Bad posture, round shouldered
Fidgeting frequently
Feeling sluggish lethargic
Showing tension /anxiety in my speech
No eye contact with others
THOUGHTS
No way can I do that
I will never achieve anything
I am a failure compared to others
I am a bad person
My schoolmates are far better than me
I will never get another boy/girlfriend
Lets now look at how we can build your self confidence. Confidence comes from inside your mind and is not just one thing, its lots of things put together.
Gillian Butler and Tony hope in their book "Manage your mind" ( Oxford University Press), give clear guidance as to how you can succeed in creating your self confidence. They point out that many successful people lack self confidence from time to time so its ok if you feel you have none! We can do something about it. If you look at your mates or older adults and people in your school or in the shops when you are shopping, many of them appear confident but are not. Confidence comes from doing things from getting practice. If you are not assertive, then you need to learn how to change your thinking so as people will see and hear your self confidence shining through as you challenge others and are consistent in your actions.
Here's how to build your confidence:
1. Practice: make confidence building a regular habit. Practice it every day with your mates and parents and all of your friends. It's crucial that this becomes a natural part of your everyday conversation and thinking. The harder you work at memorizing the skills then your competence and self confidence will grow. Think about saying something simple like " No I am not going to do that because I feel … and I have my own thoughts about that "
Your mates will respect you more for speaking out .
2. Behave " AS IF" When you are faced with a situation where your not sure how to react, the secret is to behave "as if" you were fully confident. It's like pretending to be confident in a difficult situation, even inside you are not. If a schoolteacher or someone at work is vey negative towards you - try to behave "as if " you were on the same level as them. They might ask you to work overtime and you have arranged to see your boyfriend that night . Say "
Sorry, I would like to help you but I cannot work overtime tonight as I have made a prior arrangemnent and cannot break it".
3. DON'T GO OVERBOARD Once you begin to practice confidence building
skills you don't have to overdo It as you could literally chase your mates away form you. Be consistent but use assertiveness only when the situation you are in needs it. Don't get to the stage where you are insensitive to what others are asking you to do. Pay attention to what works for you and in your favour and listen to others around you and see their reaction. Try not to be upset if they challenge you as this shows your strategies are in fact working. Feel proud of yourself that you can now challenge in a nice way, others point of view. Remember they have also a right to say what they think.
4. MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR MISTAKES THEN IGNORE THEM
Butler and Hope says that the mistake made by unconfident people is to think that mistakes matter. If you tried very day for the next year to make a mistake that nobody else has made before, you would probably fail. What's important is to remember that you can recall the mistake you made and use it to learn not to make that mistake the next time. Lets say you feel really low and depressed and you share a few bottles of cheap alcohol or spirits with your mates, this will not cure the problem or depression, its foolish thinking, it leads to destruction and misery. The mistake was thinking about alcohol or maybe drugs, instead, change your thinking. Think no alcohol no drugs as these will not solve the problem. Email us and we will help you through and help you maintain your self confidence.
5 BE KIND TO YOURSELF This is a really important strategy as it's a key strategy for building self confidence. Problems with self confidence are often rooted in a bad habit of being too hard on ourselves and not looking properly for rewards and pleasures from friends and others. If the habit of self punishment is reversed and you learn to treat yourself right, your confidence will grow. Think over the number of rewards can come your way if you tell others clearly what you feel and think about a certain object. If you feel you need help with developing your self confidence do get in touch with us and we will help you cope and become a new person. Xchange the old thoughts for the new thoughts, the old negative behaviours for newly formed behaviours.!