Family coping strategies after untimely teenage death
When a family has suffered the unexpected death of a son or daughter it seems as though no words can describe the human loss and psychological feelings and emotions experienced by parents, brothers and sisters and the wider family network. There is the immediate shock and trauma, which in fact it is. There is the constant reliving of the experience of finding the teenager or older adult, the last words spoken and recent movements made and detailed analysis of their social interactions. These rapidly become indelibly imprinted into long term memory. There will be vivid imagery confronting every family member for days and years to come, so how do we cope? Here are some useful coping strategies you may use :
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Contact your local GP who will support you medically and make a referral if necessary to a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist for talking therapy.
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Stay in contact. Try not to isolate yourself from neighbours and the wider community. Your neighbours and others want to talk to you about the suicide, and you will find this immensely helpful and it relieves the emotional pain.
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Use visual imagery as a distraction. When confronted by negative emotions try to switch your thoughts to more positiveactions like shopping with family members, going to church, a holiday abroad in months to come, visualize the warmth of sunshine, hot white sands.
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Talking about your experience in the safe and comfortable environment of a support group in your town or village If none is available start one up. Talk to your local newspaper editor for help with advertising free. Ask around tosee if there is anyone in your town who has experience inworking with teenagers and suicide / schoolteachers perhaps councillors etc.
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Take time to Grieve Remember you are human and have limitations. It's alright to cry as this is a healthy emotion and isvery therapeutic in recovery. Healing takes time, and you have lost a son or daughter unexpectedly. Why not go to see Griefshare in your local town, a bereavement support group whoall have experienced death and loss. Don't feel there is a time limit on grieving, each person is very individualistic and recovers naturally in their own time.
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Good and bad days There will be days you feel you are becoming more able to cope and days when you feel you might not, as past emotions become overwhelming and you have no inner strength to go on. Your body will adapt over time and your mind will recover also. There are highs and lows along the road to full recovery, and there are many people around to support you and remain with you as long as you want them around. See the other web pages on this site and links.
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Prepare for important dates Parents who survive have to cope with their lost teenager's birthday and going on holidays without their smiles and laughs and the reorganization of the house and room which was theirs.This is painful but don't be afraid to go there often and cry. Many people leave all their symbols around as a token or respect and cherished memories. This is a coping mechanism. Why not get your community to remember the date by organizing a fun day to raise funds for suicide prevention in your community.
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Do what's right for you Everyone is unique loved and special and don't hesitate to do your own thing. People will know you are coping in your own way and will compare you to others, but don't let this upset you. Let others know if you feel like it that this is the way you are coping and t works for you but not for others. I know of a woman who copes with the loss of a son by swimming every day, going back to the gym and who talking to friends using her sons photographs as reminscience therapy.